I didn’t always unplug when I needed to. Nevertheless, the year 2020 stopped me in my tracks. What began as headaches turned into sensations from intense panic attacks. I would get chills, I would shake, and I thought I was dying from issues with my brain injury in 1992. Physically, I couldn’t walk (exercise) as much because of shooting pain in my lower back, and my hips, and all-over disability issues from the TBI. What I thought was that I was declining. What was going on was my body responding to the stress of my life. I was taking on so much guilt of not being who I thought I should be. Or who others thought I should be. In the end, I was the one who crumbled. I was the one who had a nervous breakdown.

Solitude is what I crave more than anything. It’s hard to not be around those who gossip about others. It’s like gossipers don’t see their issues or failures in life. Or maybe they do so they talk about others to make themselves feel good. I’m not sure but it’s probably some of both. Nevertheless, people don’t get to decide what will makes YOU feel better in life. Maybe my husband with his blunt response to how he feels is his way of dealing with the effects of his issues from a stroke in 2022.

My way of dealing with my health issues since 1992 has looked different over the years. Shortly after my TBI I had unhealthy ways of dealing with stress. Those issues are permanent marks against my mental health. Actually, it wasn’t until I got married and had Zach that I developed ways of coping healthily. The years from age 17 to around 30 were a blur. Or maybe I wish some of them were a blur.

My husband reinforced in me a sense of safety in my life. He taught me that routines get us through the day. He taught me that some people stay. I have friends now who provide safety. In return, I want to be that safety net for someone else. Maybe one day I can continue my walking exercise routine. If not maybe my story can help someone else in a similar situation as me. I do feel that I speak and think more clearly these days. I hope I can relieve someone else going through a stressful situation through my writing. May it never be in vain.

P.S. This prompt is to answer the WDP and my blog post for today’s #SoCs.

Much love,

Heidi