Posted on February 20, 2025 by Reena Saxena

What makes me feel isolated. I want to start here. By reading this prompt, I was instantly drawn to its word, ISOLATION. I feel isolated right much like I said in an earlier post. When I’m sick, I feel so alone. But, why? The conclusion I come up with is this, my condition is not the norm. Dealing with a brain injury is challenging. Only some people experience this. Maybe not a small number to say but “a select amount”. Anyway, I added that last sentence for clarity. I want others to understand what it’s like to navigate life as a brain injury survivor. That experience is a reason I feel isolated.

Another reason I feel isolated is that I normally feel like I am dying. Any pain, no matter how intense sends my brain into anxiety mode. Trauma, PSTD, of any sort for any reason can do that to someone. They feel isolated. Almost like not really living anyway so any moment will be the last breath. That feeling is isolation for me. I normally do not like to talk about how I feel for that reason. I wasn’t the driver of the vehicle in our accident. Until now I had no safe place to express my feelings. At least to express them and not feel spiteful when I did express them. I am so bitter. I am mad my brain injury happened. This changed my whole life. But how do I process this? I try to stay away from anything that reminds me how broken I am. I also try to protect his feelings by isolating myself from him. I don’t want him to see me this way. The guy was the love of my life at the time. Fate can be so cruel at times. So, to say that I don’t blame him for leaving me in my condition would be a lie. I do blame him for moving on with his life. I do blame him for not staying in touch with me. But I don’t blame him for the accident. I mean, he didn’t mean for this to happen. Here we are though, 1992 to 2025 and he still can’t talk to me. But I don’t blame him for not talking to me or “finding” a way he can face me. I know deep in my heart that he wants to forget the accident too. He also wishes to get away from “it”. That’s another reason I feel isolated.

I also feel that there is nothing that anyone can do or say that would make any difference. I would still be broken. I would still be a brain injury survivor. I would still want to get away from me. That’s it I can’t seem to run away from me. But I can write. I can get away from me that way. If only for a little while. I can heal. Writing is my healing. So that’s why I am here. This world needs people like me. My husband, a stroke survivor, needs me.

Until Next Time,

Heidi💜